...Windy conditions were not the ideal conditions for the second leg of the Dick-athlon 2009 - Event 7 - Golf day.
Especially as Clark and Lightfoot had decided to turn up in shorts. Although the rest of Lightfoot's outfit made him look like an uncool Dad. The debate rages on as to whether this attire was selected for comedy value or not.
The seven dick-athletes competing knew they had to beat the scores set by Afsar, Barnish, Jones and Mahoney from the previous leg 3 weeks earlier.
Tensions were high. The dick-athlete's dick-athlete Ian Flynn was slowly been called The dick-athlete's <unt as he struggled to find the course and turned up late. Once he arrived it was off to the fat arrogonat jobsworth in the booth to collect our clubs and balls. (Cundall wrote: Also full marks to Mr. Knobhead behind the counter proving yet again that he is indeed a stain on the otherwise picturesque St. Annes shoreline).
And then we were off..................
Lightfoot 64
A steady hand, a steady club, a steady nerve and outfit that looked like a Dad trying to look cool infront of his kids saw Lightfoot easily beat out the competition. This result saw him breathing down the neck of current top of the Dick-athlon leaderboard, Cundall. Lightfoot's excitement at winning the event saw him get too giddy in a taxi (had to have his hands held behind his back by Clark) and repeatedly bang Barnish on the forehead with his ring in a nightclub.
Flynn 69 (written by Cundall)
Mr. Consistent Flynn played a Faldo-like steady 18, never really in trouble but made his last few holes difficult for himself after his realisation of a top-3 finish jangled his nerves.
Cundall 70 - with 6 threes (written by Cundall)
Mr. Inconsistent Cundall could either hit perfect tee shots or woeful tee-shots, so you could say for the neutral at least, his round would have at least kept them awake, if not inspired.
Barnish 70 - with 5 threes (written by Barnish)
Cool Calm Clinical.....all the things he's not on a golf course. Average round of 35 on front 9 35 on back 9 served him well on a day the pressure had been put on by a couple of Jokers and a man playing his joker. After 9 holes the fat counter man came to throw them off the course but after walking back persuading the man from behind the counter to let us finish sealed the deal by promising to be quick and to bring the flags in with us.....his eyes lit up and the deal was struck!
Mahoney 71 (written by Barnish)
Performed with vim and vigour on the first 9 posting a healthy score of 32 and other people on the course could see him praying the fat counter man to call time on the round but it was not to be and on the very first hole on the back 9 posted a score of 9.....the anger rose....and the other competitors stayed quiet for fear of club to head connection. Best dressed dick-athlete of the day for wearing a very practical bum bag!!!!
Jones 71 (joker) and less twos than Mahoney (written by Barnish)
Another average round and another poor joker played in the '09 Dick-athlon. Started with an Exceptional 2 on the first hole which, looked to set the tone for the day but soon the 5am finish from the night before took hold and the hangover had this dick-athlete posting 5 and 6's. A good back 9 saved his blushes.
Duckworth 72
Once again the dick-athlete's awaited with baited breath as to Duckworth's costume. Was it to be Austrian man on the golf course? Or indeed the Newcastle races farmer? Unfortunately it was neither. Instead we were treated to a sore throated, headache ridden, coughing and spluttering aids ridden man. Despite turning up as Tom Hanks on the streets of Philadelphia, Duckworth raised enough courage to finish almost respectably and, most importantly, managed to get himself off the bottom of the Dick-athlon Leaderboard for the first time this year.
Afsar 76 (written by Barnish)
Started the day with a trip to McDonalds for 3 burgers & a fanta and Started well with a better front 9 than back 9. After staying up all night after the taxi driver stole his Hot and spicy to compensate for not being able to pay his fare and then probably finishing it off with a sprinkling of De-tox, tired towards the end of the day. The only things to brighten his day up was the bonus of a pub being next to the course and the red arrows performing some wonderful tricks over the course towards the end of the round.
Clark 77
Clark once again proved that practice does not make perfect. After going to the course twice before the event he intended to practice his swing and finish above Afsar. Neither occurred. After finishing the first 9 on 35 Clark was destined to finish in the top half of the results. All he had to do was play sensible shots. Again, this did not occur as he continuously swiped the ball, hit it in the rough and missed some p!ss easy putts.
Austin 86 (written by Cundall)
Austin's temper only rose to the surface on the back nine when he needed a few moments to compose himself after consistently finding himself in the thick rough after his tee shot.
Mcmenamin 91
"The Power of Love is a dangerous thing. Makes a one man weep and another man sing" I believe Huey Lewis and the news were wrong. I believe "The Power of RAGE is a dangerous thing. Makes a one man mad and unable to swing".
Mcmenamin, was mentally defeated on the first hole claiming "Right lads, there's honestly no point on me being here, we all know I'm gonna finish last I JUST can't play!! Why don't you give me 0 points NOW!!!!
After some coaching from the uncool Dad, Mcmenamin's game improved slightly but this wasn't to last. Some disastrous shots in the rough (one included a lost ball) and some 'power' putting meant that his ball stayed out of the hole more regularly than it went in. Despite finishing on a spectacular 2 shots on the 18th hole, Kev's only prize was to stare at the Dick-athlon loser suit for the third time this year and sorrowfully mutter "Hello, old friend".......McMenamin has now dropped to the bottom of the Dick-athlon Leaderboard.