...A badly played Joker, tie break tension and A snooker too far
As the dick-athletes entered Riley's pool hall tensions were high...more so for Austin as he had to turn up in the dick-athlon suit of shame and did not want to leave in it.
Once the clock struck 8pm the suit was off and play began for all dick-athletes.
It was a civilised evening with varying levels of pool on display.
The buffet was far from first class and am convinced it's responsible for the horrid stomach ache I have as I write this now.
Attached to each name in this report is a name allocated to each dick-athlete by Barnish on his score card. I'm not entirely sure how many of these are 'for a laugh' and how may are were scrawled in bitter hatred..
Afsar (Prick)
The Clown Prince of Booze turned up sober and 'sans' sl@g in an attempt to wipe away the disrespect he showed the Dick-athlon at event 1. It paid off as Afsar won 9 of his 10 games, losing only to Flynn by potting the black ball mid game. Some claim Afsar's braggard behaviour and swaggering around the table cost them games but this is merely conjecture.....
Cundall (W@nker)
Not a well man. Cundall turned up feeling under the weather but performed quietly and efficiently to win 7 of his 10 games. Pushes Cundall to the top of the leaderboard.
Lightfoot (Punk)
Winning 6 games kept Lightfoot out of a tie break situation. Turned up looking like Mickey Pearce from Only Fools and Horses or an extra from Quadrophenia.
Flynn (MotherFu<ker), Jones (Chump), Austin (Co<k) & Mahoney (Sh!tbag) (5 games each)
Four men. One Tie Break.
Tie break winner. Flynn proved once again that he's the one to watch this year for bringing up the rear, coming from behind or sh@ggin up the wrong 'un.
Tie break runner up. Jones the new boy had a decent night and fell at the last hurdle as Flynn's tie break shot proved too close to the line.
Tie break moaner. Austin moaned that he didn't understand the simple concept of the tie break despite it been written in the rules for weeks. My advice....read the rules instead of smoking them.
Tie break disaster. Mahoney had a disastrous evening. Officially holder of a new dick-athlon record. The worst played joker in Dick-athelon history. The previous holder was Cundall who finished 6th at darts in 2008. Mahoney set a new record by finishing 7th. Was to be heard complaining about the black 'rattling' the pockets on each game he didn't win.
Clark (Cunt) & Barnish (4 games each)
Two men. One Tie Break.
Tie Break winner. Proving that practicing for weeks up to the event does not make perfect, Clark limped home to four wins. Would have been five if he hadn't gone for a snooker against Mahoney while all his balls were easily pottable!!! It was with a certain satisfaction that Clark took the tie from Barnish as 'the shot of the evening' (See below) had been played against him!!!
Tie Break loser. Despite pulling off the shot of the evening (see diag below; potting the black from this snooker) after Cundall said "no-one's getting outta this one", Barnish's evening went downhill fast. His only way of a comeback was by calling people names on his scoresheet.
Duckworth (Tw@t)
A welcome return to the Austrian sh!tty pants. Ducky arrived in style reading to the dick-athletles the Dick-athlon Charter which had been recently found in some historical burial grounds. A tense night of cat and mouse between Mcmenaman and Duckworth ensured that much clenching of butt cheeks ensued to see who ultimately would be wearing the dick-athlon suit of shame.
Mcmenamin (T!t)
An event Mcmenamin will want to forget. Only 2 games won and a truly dismal performance. Showed balls at the end of the evening by walking through town, by the prison and the New Hall Lane area in the Dick-athlon suit of shame.
Next event: Go Karting
