DARTS - 09-FEB-09

Barnish
The current Champion led the way with a record breaking 43. This easily smashed Afsar's score of 52 in 2008. Unfortunately Afsar wasn't there to witness this. He was busy trying to nail some wench. Barnish's practice paid off as he strolled easily into first place...although some wished his smugness had not followed.
Cundall
Eager to ensure the tie break decision which cost him the runner up spot in the 2007 Dick-athelon was not to be repeated Cundall strolled home to second place. The sl@g was seen on occasion collapsing on Cundall's knee. Whether this cost him 1st place is debatable.
Lightfoot
A strong start for Lightfoot whose adjudicator skills rivalled his darts skilled.
Mahoney
Just pipping Clark to 4th place by three throws. A good start for the 2008 loser.
Clark
Was hugged by the creature on arrival. Believed this and his nature to miss on the metaphorical 'black ball' (in this case double top) cost him dear points in event 1.
Mcmenamin
An epic struggle to hit the number 5 spot meant Mr. McMenamin languished at the back for some time only to catch up in the final moments. Luckily hit double top at least once before the cut off of 108 throws was reached, meaning he escaped the @rse clenchinly tense play off.
Flynn, Jones and Austin.
Neither of the above hit double top before the cut off of 108 throws. Jones, the new boy, struggled dearly to hit the double top. After 70 unsuccessful throws it was debatable as to whether Norris Mcwhirter should be contacted for a new world record of arrows thrown at one area of the board.
Each of the above were entered into a tie break situation (three throws for maximum points) where Flynn proved his mettle, Jones proved he was lucky and Austin proved a perfect fit for the dick-athlete loser suit. The sl@g licked Austin's face on arrival. He believed that this affected his performance tremendously.
Afsar
The Clown Prince of Booze proved once again that with shocking behaviour comes shocking consequences. Turning up ready (but far from able), Afsar thought it a good idea to bring one of the creatures from the Star Wars cantina along to the opening event. Unfortunately for Afsar, his inebriated eye was on an easy sh@g rather than the event and, in a manner that can only be described as utterly disgraceful, he and the hobbit creature brought the good name of the Dick-athelon into disrepute. After throwing only three darts, Afsar had to abandon the game (probably before he and the cretinous wretch were ejected from the premises) and take the sl@g home via a £100 diversion at the Holiday Inn. Let's hope his performance at the Holiday Inn was better than the -4 points performance he was to receive from event 1.
Duckworth
Had the $hits. Didn't turn up. Was probably dressed as Alpine Man as he shot out the muesli filled brown jet of slime. -4 points.
Next event: Pool